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Arizona Real Estate Commissioner Sam Wercinski Announces Intent to Resign
Thu Jan 8, 6:51 PM
Arpaio Blames Media for Underplaying Homicides While His Own Web Site Touts Conan O'Brien Show
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Arpaio's First Racial Profiling Sweep of the New Year Starts Tomorrow
Thu Jan 8, 4:18 PM
Did Conan O'Brien Go Gay for Sheriff Joe Arpaio? Well, Not Exactly...
Thu Jan 8, 4:42 AM
Concert Calendar for This Weekend: Miniature Tigers, Stephen Pearcy, Ministry of Love, and More
Thu Jan 8, 6:00 PM
Flier of the Week: Andrew Jackson Jihad
Thu Jan 8, 4:40 PM
So, How Do We Look?
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Closed for Business: Aunt Lena's Creamery
Thu Jan 8, 3:31 PM

National Features >

Broward-Palm Beach New Times
The Agent from Iran
How a mother of two ended up in a plot to smuggle high-tech gear to the enemy.
By Deirdra Funcheon
Westword
Murder By Design
In life and death, tattoo artist Kauri Tiyme made her mark.
By Alan Prendergast
Village Voice
My Brother the Slumlord
Amy Neustein never could resist going public with her family dramas.
By Elizabeth Dwoskin
Houston Press
The Ghosts of Galveston
A visit with the hurricane victims that a country forgot.
By John Nova Lomax

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Lust Stinks

Cheating on man-pillows in Scottsdale

By Nina Carapetyan

Published on February 13, 2008 at 4:00am

It’s Valentine’s Day, and no amount of porn will save you from this feeling of emptiness. Worldwide, people are going at it like beavers at a dam, and all you can do is pick lamely at your chastity belt. Mission Semen Receptacle has just been classified impossible. But instead of spooning with your man-pillow tonight, seek solace at the Valentine’s Day Massicree, where cynics, lovers, and jesters will impart their knowledge of love in the form of music, poetry, and skits.
Thu., Feb. 14, 8 p.m., 2008

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