Lust in the Dust

Rough, chapped palms and brown dirt caked under fingernails. Unruly waves of sun-bleached hair reeking of dusty sweat. The soft, squeaky caress of well-worn leather. Buns in blue jeans wiggling like puppies wrestling under a blanket. Cowboy boots rhythmically thudding like a headboard against the wall. Oh, cowboys . . . every woman’s secret turn-on. Sure, they’re simple as spit, but they make love like gentlemen and hump like animals. Sigh.

Goddamn, it’s good to live in the Wild West -- especially when we’ve got an entire weekend devoted to these beast-wrangling men.

The cow dudes’ll hit the dirt during Lost Dutchman Days, where you can catch an eyeful of manly shenanigans at various rodeo events. If cowboys aren’t your thing, you can scope the accompanying carnival for some hot carnies (just kidding, that’s disgusting), or settle for a ride on the Zipper. There’ll also be live bands, arts and crafts booths, a rodeo dance, and appearances by the Budweiser Clydesdales.